“Callous Psychopathy” and “Moronic Illusionary” … !?! …

So, 

you are 48 years old 

your “partner” with whom you raised a child 
for the last 11 years, 
is finally “physically” showing all the “despise” 
they have had for you ( all along “really” ? )
and, 
after their “last attempt” 
on the very “last day of the year” ( 2018 ) 
on which they
make love “TO” you ( probably 3rd time overall ! ) 
like NEVER before … ( 11 years ! ),
look “AT” you with “adoration” ( probably 3rd time overall ! )
like NEVER before … ( 11 years ! ), 
and,
on the very next “new year’s day” ( 2019 )
they are COMPLETELY, UTTERLY, TOTALLY 
“appaulled and livid” towards you 

on the “2nd day” of that “new year” ( 2019 ), 
at almost 48 and a half years
of 
“walking on this eARTh”, 
you,
go “ahead”
and 
“try to kill yourself”
with a VERY “serious” attempt 
( you have NO idea how “growing older” 
gets more and more “difficult” to “carry through” 
with “attempts” !!! ) 

as “per usual” …
… you “fail” 

only to ( if it was atall possible ! )
make that “partner” 
… “volcano heat” …
( as old cartoons would have a “last setting” on ovens ! )
MAD with you, for 
… “doing that to them” … 

( …. VERY much JUST like your mother 
when you, actUally, found “the courage” 
to “out your pain” to her, about your “younger” attempts … )

 . 

So, 

11 days pass … 

it is the “13th day” of the “new year” ( 2019 ) 

you are “cruising” most disgusting “char~rooms” 
for 
some “companion~ship” 
( yes, even some “relief” sexscapades
as EVERYthing is absolutely “numb” )

“things” have “changed” SO much
since the “last time”, you have been “cruising” 
like this … atleast 12~13 years ago … 

my god ! 

what became of “the internet” … you wonder … … 

( it is worse than trying to get some “fresh water” 
in a cesspool ! ) 

…  

 a n y w a y 

as “Calling Alike” would have it …

you are meeting this person in a most “horrid” chat~room 

they keep you “waiting” as they aRe … “oblivious” 

and, 

when you are finally “cooked”, they very SLOWLY 
keep you “waiting” even more 

you are absolutely “furious” and absolutely “defenseless” 

they … “come~in” 

it is NOT “your home” anymore 

but, 
you don’t care 
cause 
you “found finally the one” 

and, 
“situation is difficult” 

but 
“it is all going to be ok”
cause
you “found finally the one” 

besides, 
“they” … “said” 
they would STRAIGHT AWAY
“leave EVERYTHING behind”
to come … “be with you” 

and, 
ofCourse, 
what else would “you”
want “to hear” 

… 

days pass … 

“they” are not … “consistent” … 

more “oblivious” than anything … 

… 

the “storms” … 

the “jail times” … 

run~down “gudgets” … 

… 

you buy them “stuff”

gudgets, clothing, foot~wear, 
accessories, bail~outs, lawyers, 
expensive birthday gifts for best friend
they would be living behind so 
it will not be “bad” for them to keep in touch …  

ANYthing to keep them “safe” 
and “able” to … “come to you” … 

as 
the days, become weeks 
and months 

there is “this” to “take care” of 
and, 
“i will be coming” … 
and,
“oh, i ‘see’ it in 5 months” …  
and,
“will, ‘take care’ of it” … 
and,
“will ‘get right’ to it” … 

and, 
every atleast a fortnight 
a … “tower moment” 

EVERY FORTNIGHT ! 

sometimes, less than that … 

… 

meanwhile, 

ALL THIS TIME 

you are in a “foreign country” 

( since your “last partner” was “Greek” 
and “you” moved there 
although YOU HAD ALREADY EXPERIENCED 
this country in your late 20s,
and 
promised yourself … “NEVER AGAIN” ! )

THE most “xenophobic” and “misogynistic” 
society you have ever been ( or, “read” about ! )

( you aRe an “anthropologist”, afterall ! ) 

your “last partner”

after 
the “last birthday dinner”, also “belated”
( both “mother and child” late January birthdays )

where
you took them out 
( “child” to have tasted “Chinese” 
for the first time ) 

LEFT YOU

ONE WEEK before “EVICTION” 

( they told you they were leaving 
a couple days after
the “belated last birthday” chinese dinner ) 

from the house, 
you have been PROVIDING 

with EVERYthing you
… “invested” … 
for this “family” …

to go be with
“new found love” 

who
they “internet met” during “Christmas” 
and
they “physically consumated with”
( taking their brand new suitcase
you got for them from Bulgaria, in the Summer ! )

probably 
on their birthday   

taking “the now 15 year~old” child

… AWAY …

 BUT, 

NOT to the “new found love” home … !!! …

“Oh, NO !”   … “the child” SUDDENTLY 
was going to leave with … “his daddy” 

the same “dad” that … … … … … … … … … … … … 

( … fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck … )

… 

that “last partner”
LEFT YOU 

A L O N E 

ONE WEEK BEFORE EVICTION 

from 
a “FULL~HOUSE” 

( or, rather “STORAGE FACILITY”
as it was what “became” 
because
you had “PLANNED & BOUGHT”
a TOTAL “make over” of “the place” ! ) 

WITHOUT A CAR 

since it was “registered” in THEIR name ! 

( … let us NOT “forget” the WHOLE “car~driving” 
STORY of the last 11 years … !!! … ) 

… yeah … 

… 

when, ALSO, 

the flat in “Voula” 
atleast your “refuge” to go to 

YOUR FATHER 

was already getting paid 
for “AirBnB” 

because, 

why would
ANYone
make it “EASY” on you

CARE FOR YOUR WELL~BEing 

and just

“move” everything 
in a “storage facility” in Athens 

( where there are LOADS ! ) 

and,  

since “staying” in the “flat in Voula”, 

( … since 
your “last partner” did
NOT EVEN OFFER YOU 
to “stay” in the “Marousi flat” … )

till you can “get your feet sorted” 

was ALSO 

NOT … “available” 

… yeah …

… 

when, ALSO,

AFTER ONLY a MONTH
they 
LEFT YOU 

“contacted” you to 

COME PICK UP ALL YOUR STUFF 
from 
the “Marousi flat” 

which flat you spent 
and
AGAIN, LITERALLY, FINANCIALLY 
… “invested” … 
the first 3 and a half years 
MAKING INTO a “HOME” 
for your “family” … 

BRINGING SO MUCH 
of 
YOUR LIFE 
FROM 
“Cyprus” and ALL the “BEfore” 
TO 
“Greece” … 

SHE GIVES YOU 3 days
to “get your things” 

when you finally MANAGE 
to get just the one little van
for the few hours … 

you go in the flat
to find
that 

ALL THE FLAT HAS BEEN 
UP~ROOTED 

ALL “YOUR STUFF” 
IN PILES 
OF EVERYTHING 

( ofcourse, most precious “OLD STORY” ones 
you brought there, as “old” as “Oxford” even, 
were most likely “taken” … how on eARTh 
would you “know”, anyway … ) 

… 

ALL “this” 

you did ALL BY YOURSELF 

… 

along with 

your sister’s “ΑΣΙΧΤΙΡ”, 

your mother’s “APATHY”,

your father’s “TREACHERY”  

… 

BEYOND NIGHTMARE ! 

BEYOND HELL !!!  

… 

.

have only been “writing” for about 3 hours … am exhausted … 

may be will get back to it “later” … may be “NEVER” …

.

.

.

The Tower - XVI - 16 Tarot card

.

.

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