“«Freedom» and «Life» are earned …” , 2020.09.18

[ as a “comment” to
(@Sarah Miles – amongst the stars 86) post
about “people leaving without a goodbye
nor an explanation” ]

. . .

Dearest «i am» of “You”

Had most of the above
as an … “experience” …!

In addition, though,

“what” happens when
such persons are

your mother
(that “circumstances” have you
living with her again, and have
“this behaviour” almost every day)


your sister, and rest of
the “normal” family of hers
(including two nephews that one of them
is supposingly your GodSon),

yes, and also
“best friend”
that you have known for
40 years (!!!), and with whom
you were actUally … “blood~sisters”


your son

that you did not give birth to
(which means “no legal rights”)

and who, you raised
since he was 3 and 1/2 years of age,

and LIVED with, for almost 11 years
(EVERYTHING involving “parenthood”)

and, then

one day his mother and him
“pack~up and leave”, 6 days shy
of a house eviction,

with the aid of her “ex~husband”
and total “*rse~hole” of a “father” too,

which brings me,


to the “partner”

(and, “biological mother” of said “son”)

absolutely … “deserted” myself

i had left “my country”
and everything i had just gotten
going for myself,

(after years of “depression”
and “agoraphobia”, from also
“Muchausen syndrome by proxy”
from being … “raised”)

to meet all her needs,
and literally,
“accomodate our being together”

in her “misogynistic”, “racist”,
“egomaniacal” country,

in which her family also hated me
(the word IS “hate”, here)

in which country

i developed PTSD of the worst kind
due to basically, “neighbours of hell”

that kept poisoning our “pets”,
(just every living creature that sought
refuge in our yard),

cut, derooted or poisined every single flower,
bush, or tree, i was trying to grow,

were stalking us for atleast 14 hours per day
every day, all year~round,

had the police on us
with every “chance” they got,

(“me” being “a foreigner AND a woman”
and NOT “a man in the house” n’ all !)

for even
watering our veranta and spraying water
on the asphalt of the road in front of our house
… … …

“this partner” left me,
facing an eviction

(she “accepted” the paper on my behalf !)

for a “brand new one” she got,
with obviously “better potential”,


i was “boned dried” from everything
including “my financial state”,

which was
what kept ALL of “all” of us going
(including our son’s all musical talents “met”,

with not “a penny” from the “father”,
(if anything,
we were paying his “debts” !)

for atleast 7 of the almost
11 years …

By “that” time,

i was reaching 50


“not a lot out there”


a “fat, ugly, dyke”

to be … “looking forward” …

On the 2nd of January, 2019
i had my (latest serious)
“suicide attempt”,
as the culmination of 2018 closed.

Eleven (11) days later,
i was finally “meeting”
my “twin flame”

i was
aware i had,


kept “wishful thinking”
on every … “relationship”
that showed me a little
… “acceptance” (!)

My «BEloved»,
is half across the world from
where i am … “situated”


have not “physically” met

… “yet” …

( “donations appreciated” LOL )

with all the life’s
… “unexpectancies”,
“financial slavery”, and
the latest
… “costumed dictatorships”


no “embrace” living,
wearing “muzzles” when “in public”,
“one person at a time in a humangous lift”
(as you pointed out, so obviously
Dearest Sarah Mills – Amongst the Stars
“what are we supposed to do with our children”)
… !!! …

Wow !

i wrote a lot, and it is not even
5% of what my “abandonment issues”
are about … LOL







.Grateful & Great~Full


… ….


is the highest wisdom that i own;
“freedom” and “life”
are … earned
by those alone who
conquer them each day anew
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe